Thursday, June 30, 2011

Stop throwing buses at me! Part III

Honestly, i just don't know what to think. I mean, two drug busts in one night? Do the cops just know where i am and what i'm doing all the time? Here's the story. I was beating down these goblins with Richard Simmons, and the cops pull up. Luckily i left my stash in my vault in Gringotts. but the goblins? They were packin'. Each of 'em had at least one dooby up their sleeve. I got off with just a warning, but all thems goblins got taken down town for some questioning. I thought they would be smarter than that. Now all the goblins are gone. As for the other drug bust, my homies and i are chillin' poolside, when the cops burst out from the house and find my bro's shootin' it up. Luckily i'm straight and don't do drugs so i don't have any problems. But all these other guys that are chillin' with me aren't so lucky. Now i'm all alone poolside, and this fancy lady (Name will not be mentioned) comes out of the bushes and jumps in the pool. I'm like "Who the heck are you?!" Then she turns into a dragon. That's when i woke up. This has all been a dream.

Yes, that's right. It has all been a dream.

I don't know where it came from, but the song 'Vindicated' by Dashboard Confessional came into my head about 10 minutes ago. I looked it up on and listened to it twice. I really recommend it.

Any additional information about my dreams from here on out will cost you. Just keep that in mind.
-Sir Jared.

ps. The part about me having a stash in Gringotts was just my stash of jellybeans.

Stop throwing buses at me! Part II

I know you have all been desperately anticipating the sequel to the book i wrote. Well, you don't get to read it. I did write it 'n stuff, but you don't get to read it. Instead, you can read this short story that i wrote. Its based on actual events.

You can read it after this brief segment. Have you ever woken up in the morning with the smell of tuna in your hair? I know i haven't. Well, to negate this problem, buy this thing that i made!
Now for the story.

After Obama's squad of assassins took out that goblin, the earth started to shake. The earth cracked open, and a whole army of goblins started erupting from the ground. Obama and I realized that his squadron wouldn't be enough to take out all of them, even with the help of Batman and Magneto. Just then, i remembered that i have been taking rexquando for the past 6 months. I did what anyone would do. I broke the wrist, and walked away. I broke the wrist of all of those little jerks. But it wasn't enough. They just kept on coming, even though they were destroyed beyond recognition. Just then, when all hope seemed lost, Richard Simmons appeared through a portal, that he said would only appear to those that follow their dreams. He wasn't much help, but it was pretty dang cool that he showed up. I mean, all of these famous bro's coming to help me slay the goblin horde? I felt like a champ. So Richy and i were fighting to the death with the goblins, when one of them hits me over the head with a dump-truck. I instantly lose consciousness.

The epic trilogy will end in the upcoming story: Stop throwing buses at me! Part III.

Oh and by the way, I like The Killers.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Stop throwing buses at me! Part I

When i woke up this morning, the song by Queen that talks about people biting dust was stuck in my head. Why was it there? I've never listened to it on my own. I haven't heard it in probably a couple years. So why here? Why now? I'll tell you why. Its probably because someone threw a bus at me.

I was home alone one Friday night, when out of nowhere this little goblin erupts from the ground, and pulls a bus out from behind his ear. He then proceeded to throw it at me. I saw it coming, and as soon as it was about to hit me, Batman swooped in and kicked the goblin in the face. Well, even though Batman did take care of the goblin, the bus was still headed for sure impact on my face. That's when it happened. The bus stopped in mid-air, and i saw that Magneto was standing next to me, with the bus in his control. He let go of it, and it smashed into the ground, making a large crater. The bus was probably 3 feet away. This all happened so fast that i didn't even realize i wasn't even in my house at all! I was in the white house with Obama! Who knew! Obama wasn't pleased with the goblin that almost took me out, so he had his squad of bro's gun him down. Its safe to say that bus throwing goblins wont be hassling me anymore. Or so i thought.

To be continued...

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I like to brag about stuff.

You'll never believe what just happened to me. Not that you care, but just for the enjoyment of bragging, i'll tell you. I was cruising around my neighborhood, when off in the distance i see a 50 dollars bill floating around. I see that it is in fact a slice of cash, so i chase after it. When i get my hands on it, i can't even believe it. Seriously? Who drops a 50 dollars bill? I don't care. Now that i'm 50 dollars richer, i go to a s'mores party. When i get there, i celebrate with all my homies. (everyone was at least under the age of 9).

Anyways, i wanted to tell you that just to be like "yeah, i found a 50 dollars bill floating around. What of it?". Be jealous. Be very jealous.

I like the song 'On Your Porch' by The Format. Just so you know. Look it up. Its a kind of depressing song.

I'm done with you. Get out of here. If you even are here.. Bye.
-Sir Jared

Secret Unicorns

Today i was listening to some Relient K, when the song 'Who i am Hates Who I've been' comes on. I listen to it, then listen to the acoustic version to compare them. After listening to them both, i decide that i like the acoustic version is better. But that's just me.

If you ever get the chance to watch Gentlemen Bronco's, Don't. It is the worst movie i have ever seen. Probably the worst i will ever see. I watched it at the request of Jon-Michael George, who had watched it the day before, and thought it was amazing. He just wanted to spread his findings, but by doing so, he's damaged my soul beyond repair.

As of right now, my favorite group is Guster. They have been a favorite in the past, and after listening to them again, i remembered why i thought they were so good. My favorite of they're songs (that i have), is 'All The Way Up To Heaven'. Its pretty classy.

I'll let you get back to your boring lives. Thanks for reading.
-Sir Jared

ps. This post has nothing to do with Unicorns.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Beds are Burning?

Hello, my name is Jared. All my friends were making blogs all over the place, so i wanted to make one too. This is the best i can do.

I think what i want this to be is based on the kind of music i like to listen to during the time i post. It will either be just that, or have some side thing about it.

Today, my favorite song is "Beds Are Burning" By: Midnight Oil. I think its pretty catchy. I first heard this song when my family was on the long 11 hour drive to California for our annual beach vacation. I had put the name of the song as a text draft on my phone, so i would be reminded to look it up later. Yesterday, i heard the song coming from the kitchen in my house, and recognized it as a cool song. I looked it up on, and have listened to it at least 8 times since then.

When i get hooked on a song, its the only one I'll listen to for days. Anyway, i suggest you all look it up, and bask in its glory.

Well, its about that time. Goodbye.