Thursday, July 21, 2011

When you're physically inside of a heart, it doesn't look the same.

One time when i was walking home from school, i was attacked by this bald guy in a black van. Yeah, he was bald. He jumps out of his car and shoots me up with his tranquilizer gun. I instantly fall unconscious. When i wake up, i am hanging over a vat of boiling oil. "How did i get here? Where IS here?" I think to myself. First thing i do is i pull out my gangster switch blade. I cut the ropes holding me in place. Now that i think back on it, that is the stupidest thing i have ever done. I fall to my death into this vat of boiling oil, only to realize that it isn't oil at all! Well, it is. But its not boiling! It is actually quite cool. It is just bubbling. I get out of the oil just to see it catch on fire. Good timing on my part eh? I head over to the door marked exit (it has one of those green exit signs above it). I go outside to find myself in the heart of a chicken. Boy was i weirded out. First of all, i didn't know how i got there. Second, how did i even know it was a chicken heart in the first place? I don't know how i knew, but i just knew. You know? Anyways, i was dripping in oil, standing in the arteries of a chicken. What else can you do but jumping jacks? I did maybe 20 sets of 12. The chicken obviously didn't appreciate it, because i got thrown up before i even realized what was going on. How i got thrown up, i don't know. But it happened. I looked up to see the fowl beast, and i didn't see anything, so i looked down instead. There it was, maybe a foot tall. How the heck did i fit in that little thing? That i'll never know. My day was just getting weirder and weirder. There was no sign of the bald man, or his van anywhere. Lucky for me, i was just a block or two away from my house. I ran home and took a shower to get the oil off and to smell fancy. I don't like the smell of oil all over me. After that, my day was absolutely normal.

Thanks for reading this story.
-Sir Jared.

ps. Have you ever heard the song The Funeral by Band of Horses? Well you should listen to it. I'll post the song including a video of a guy doing cool bike tricks on my facebook. Its probably my favorite song right now.

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